I woke up sweaty and stinky.
The drool dried on the corner of my mustache.
The clock showed 5:16 am of a normal Wednesday.
It was my an alarm, nor an anxiety crisis.
I had no commitment at that day, no obligations at all.
It was a dream, or maybe a nightmare.
In it I was on the opposite side of the table. I dictated the rules. I did not simply submit myself to them.
In this fantasy I was the company recruiter, and not a mere candidate.
After the hard work of my algorithm, which selects people as mere products according to some keywords, I began to analyze the remaining resumes.
This one to the trash bin, this one for a more in-depth check.
This one has no chance, this one deserves an approach.
This was the selection process followed. A cold and objective analysis of sheets of paper, labels of a complete life summarized in bullet points.
I emailed those who did not suit. I do not even know if they really were bad.
With a short list, I contacted the prestigious ones.
I decided to innovate and proposed a group dynamics, something beyond the conventional. It would not be a mere activity where you should impose yourself and try to captivate the jury. I would definitely get the best out of each one.
I would place each of them to a test of perseverance.
As the time in a dream is not always controlled, nor it is necessary for large financial contributions, I took all the selected candidates to Tehran.
Capital of the Islamic Republic of Iran, ancient Persia, a country that commonly takes the news with images of extremism and subversion. A complete mistake.
I had been there in the past, and I built up the dynamic with dedication, drawing on my own experiences.
The candidates were all men. I wanted to ease the process and avoid major inconvenience. You know, right, society is still mostly macho. Damn.
For 35 days, the aspirants to the vacancy should pass through some pre-defined Iranian locations.
In the course of 35 days, the postulants to the post would move without spending money on transportation, neither on accommodation.
Hitchhiking. Couchsurfing. Putting the tent somewhere out of sight of the population. Being welcomed by drivers. Depending on the good deed of a complete stranger.
For all this time it will not be allowed to pay to travel from one city to another. Neither open your pocket for a good night’s sleep.
The itinerary should be followed closely:
1.Tehran: capital of Iran, largest city with 8 million inhabitants do Irã, maior cidade com cerca de 8 milhões de habitantes.
2.Kashan: first oasis in the middle of the desert. Known also by its famous houses.
3.Abyaneh: a village in a rural area surrounded by mountains.
4.Isfahan: third biggest city of the country and with one of the biggest squares of the world.
5.Yazd: located in the middle of the desert. One of the most beautiful cities.
6.Kerman: if the weather is good, go to the desert
7.Bam: the city was once destroyed by an earthquake, but its fortress is still impressive.
8.Bandar Abbas: port city. Just stay here until you get to the islands.
9.Ilha de Hormuz: the island with colorful sand.
10.Shiraz: it hs the name of the grape, you may know by the wine, but forget it. You won’t find it here.
11.Shahr-e Kord: known as the Roof of Iran. City surround by mountains with a cool weather.
12.Khorramabad: just a sleep over.
13.Kermanshah: biggest city of the kurdish part of Iran.
14.Hamadan: among the oldest towns of Iran.
15.Sanandaj: capital of Iranian Kurdistan.
16.Uraman Takht: a kurdish village in the middle of the mountains.
And don’t you try to cheat.
In my dream I am omniscient and omnipresent, although I am not the god of anybody, not even of myself.
The daydream is mine, so I write the rules.
As a corporate Truman Show, I will be watching everyone. From city to city, from village to village, from truck to truck.
I will be waiting for those who stand out on the border with Iraq, more precisely on the side of Iraqi Kurdistan.
Be sure you can enter that zone without visa, or apply for it beforehand. Iraqi Kurdistan, a piece of territory which was slaughtered by the former dictator Saddam Hussein.
I will be evaluating various points such as group activity, communication skills (even without speaking the same language), how the candidate deals with pressure and risks, improvisation, sympathy, sense of leadership, adaptation, among others.
I wanted to see who would be hired after a group dynamics like this one.
Actually , I should not be criticizing selective processes here. If you are a recruiter, you have come this far, and you are questioning me, I believe you know nothing about the dynamics of groups called life, but you can call me for the interview.
Thanks to all the participants, but I’m going to get some more sleep.This entry was posted in Middle East